Monday, July 5, 2010

My hands smell like Kenneth Cole!

I want to think of something better to do my first blog about, but right now, my hands reek of Kenneth Cole Reaction. Not that I think it reeks per se; in fact it's my favorite cologne that we sell at [major department store I won't mention so they can't fire me from my part-time job]. But I want to eat my fiancée's awesometacular sweet 'n' sour hot dogs soon, and instead of smelling deliciousness from my bowl, I'll smell hints of berry and beechwood from my fingertips!

So here's a short list of things that suck about working nights and weekends at MDSIWMSTCFMFMPTJ...

1. customers who want to see what the bottle looks like in the package. because you're obviously buying it for the pretty bottle, not the smell that comes from it.

2. not being able to see my SNSHD-cooking fiancée as much as I'd like to.

3. having to wear a tie. ties blow.

4. having to wear a tie on your neck. wearing a tie on your head all Shaun of the Dead-style is pretty awesome. but necks are for nuts.

5. people who want free gifts that have nothing to do with their purchases.
customer: "if I buy some Ralph Lauren stuff, will you give me that Calvin Klein totebag?"
me: *blink blink* "nooooo...."
customer: "but someone once gave me a bag like that for a different purchase."
me: "and I once got a hummer in the back of a Ford Festiva, and that ain't happening again!"
(note: I did not actually say that.)
(2nd note: I also never got a hummer in a Ford. only import cars for me!)

6. complete and utter lack of free tacos, not even on Tuesday or Thursday, days traditionally associated with cheap or free Mexican food. (it's in the constitution! of Mexico...)

7. since everything we use has alcohol (the fragrances, the cleaning supplies, the hand sanitizer that's supposed to un-stank your hands), you feel dehydrated and a little buzzed most of the time you're there. only you don't have karaoke to sing along with. unless you count when the Clinique ladies play "Let's Get Retarded" on their iPod speakers.

8. I already work for one faceless evil corporation. Why work for two?

9. people who want free samples of fragrances. you want samples? go to Costco on a Saturday!

10. the fact I know nothing about fragrances and I feel like an idiot when asked questions like "what smells like Chanel No. 5 but has more sandalwood and less jicama?"

oh boy, SNSHD are on! k'bye.